Celebrities are not as tall…

…as they look on television, the internet, or in magazines — at least to me.

The few I’ve met are always shorter than I expect them to be.  I don’t mean to say they are short, but when you are expecting to meet someone you have in your mind as being 6’4" or 6’5" and they’re maybe 5’11"?  Well, that’s kind of a surprise to me.

I have met one that was WAY taller than I expected, but I can’t recall if she was wearing heels so I’m not gonna divulge who or anything here…

Anyway, I need to get to the point of this post now.

Remember a while back when I said I would be auditioning for a couple of indie productions?  Well I didn’t get the feature, but I did get the short and my scenes were filmed yesterday.

I’d been sent the script months ago and was pretty ready to shoot, but then my scene was changed (because of the location being used) at the last minute (i.e. morning of shoot) and it was going in a completely different way.

I was given several more lines and I basically had the drive to the shoot to get them down (I wasn’t driving, darling hubby was). 

Have I ever mentioned how much I suck at rote memorization?  Especially when under pressure?

I’ve tried all the tricks.  I suck at all of them.

It was the full PARAGRAPH that I was going to have to say all at once.  I was under more stress than when I didn’t learn my multiplication tables as a fourth grader. 

By the time I arrived on location I was barely familiar with my lines.

The coaster I’d been asked to bring (a last minute prop addition, too) was much appreciated.  I’d come with three light colored polo shirts and at the last minute I’d also thought to bring a robe (as my scenes were taking place in the morning).  The robe trumped the polos without a look at any of them.  Clever thinking on my part!

And then my blood sugar dropped.  I didn’t have a kit to test how low, but it was low.  Like way down there.  Like some body get me a big glass of orange juice now because I’m losing all power to keep my body upright (My fault.  Forgot to eat lunch and breakfast was a long time ago.)!

"How about a root beer." I was offered.

"Root beer will work," I say and think to add, "Is it HIRES ROOT BEER?"

Funny.  Everyone laughed.  You’ll get that one when I can share the video, mmmm, k?  (It was an A & W root beer that I was given.)

Crisis averted.

After a while it was time to shoot my segments (and I even tweeted that I was waiting to do so using my new cell phone!)  Darling Hubby was pulled into the production as a grip a couple of times.  He was just hanging out in the right area at the right time.

Okay, so it took a lot of takes before I finally warmed up to spitting out my PARAGRAPH.  Whew!  I was really getting worried that they’d tell me just to go back home, but it seemed the director was in no more of a hurry than I was.  Big sigh of relief.

The other guy in my scene was watching the clock, but only because he was getting hungry.  Dude?  You shoulda brought some snacks — there’s no craft table at these kinda things.  (Yeah, like I was prepared for my own little emergency!)

It turned out my last line (that was not part of a paragraph) was the most difficult.  The director was dealing with a head cold and every time he’d give me some direction his voice became more and more like Steven Wright’s and less and less like his own.  And I couldn’t do that I just woke up kinda voice. 

Men can do that.  I can’t.

He finally got the take he’d been looking for and I was relieved of duty.  We’d worked less than two hours on the little segment that was my part and it was the longest two hours of my life.  I was totally drained.  Mentally and physically.

I am so glad this kinda stuff is just a hobby for me because I could not do this kinda work for a living.

UPDATE:  Later this evening…

"Yeah, you could," says Darling Hubby.

"I could what?"

"Your post," he sighs from his desk — which backs up to mine so it’s not like I could see what he was doing on his computer.  I’ve yet to acquire my x-ray eyes.  (Or I could just put a mirror on the wall behind him.)

"Oh."

"You could do that stuff all the time once you got used to it."

"Really?  You think so?

"Yup."

"Well.   Maybe.  Maybe if they paid me lots of money….bundles of it.  Like the professionals make."

And he laughs like getting paid to do that stuff is the funny part…