But I’m going to now because this one just keeps getting better and better! Well, actually it’s worse and worse, but read on and you’ll see what I’m meaning.
My Little Brother (LB) got divorced last year not long after my mother died. I didn’t even know they were having issues or “separated” until before we left to attend the funeral.
My LB calls to tell me that she will be there, but they are getting a divorce. And then he tells me how she’s moved in with some guy she’d been seeing on the side for almost A YEAR, but he didn’t know about it.
This guy was living across the street from them with his mother and she and all the neighbors knew what was going on and they even tried to let on to my little brother with little hints and what not, but he didn’t catch on.
So one night in January there is a knock at the door and my LB opens the door to be greeted by a person with a notice or summons or whatever that his wife is filing for divorce. He looks it over for a few minutes and then goes back to the sofa to resume the movie he was watching.
She tells him that no, he has to pack up and leave! And he tells her no, he doesn’t have to leave.
So there is this argument because she’s thinking the papers are telling him she is filing and he has to leave, but they only say she is filing. He says this is his house (he bought it long before they were ever married) and that he’s not filing for divorce she is and that if that is what she wants then she will have to leave.
So she packs up herself and my nephew and goes to a hotel.
Then, one day at a time my LB finds out what’s really been going on. She has been seeing this lover for about a year. He’s been with her at their home. She’s had my parents baby sitting their grandson for him while she’s sleeping around with this guy in my LB’s marriage bed! She’s sleeping around in their bed while my brother is at work!
OMG!
And she has maxed out all their credit cards and pilfered my nephew’s college fund to a zero balance! She’s only been paying the minimums on their bills, etcetera etcetera! This had been going on under LB’s nose for a good year!
And the freaky thing? If the charges and withdraws weren’t for an amount of $140.00 — then they were charges made at auto part shops! She was paying her lover’s child support for him (he has five kids from other relationships) and keeping is ratty truck running with my LB’s hard earned paycheck (he’s runs a restaurant) and the money that was supposed to be for her son’s education!
ACH!
So she’s divorcing him to be with her lover (who is a brick layer so he doesn’t work regular or have a steady income) and she expecting to get the house, too! My brother fought for full custody of my nephew, but he was not giving up his house so she could live in it with her lover and his son!
My brother works 50 and sometimes 60 hours a week (yeah, restaurant management sucks). She has been sickly ever since they were married. Once their son was born she told my brother she shouldn’t have any more children as it would aggravate her “conditions”. It was decided that she might have crohn’s and/or fibromyalgia when no doctor could give her a definitive diagnosis… so my brother had a vasectomy.
She wanted to have a hysterectomy, but there was no medically necessary reason to do so and insurance wouldn’t pay for it. She told me how she wanted it so badly so she wouldn’t have to deal with the inconvenience of her periods and how she wished they’d had the money to pay for it. She told me she didn’t want any more children anyway—as her pregnancy was so difficult for her and “we nearly lost him.” She says this because her doctor chose to deliver the baby via Caesarean section because the baby’s heart rate would drop when she had a contraction. We all knew this doctor did a lot of c-sections. He was known for it. He liked having total control of the birth process. Yes, she’d even told me she hoped for a c-section as she didn’t want to have the pain of a vaginal birth.
Oh, I know chrohn’s and fibromyalgia are real illness and can be very debilitating, but my x-sister-n-law carries on like she was dying ALL THE TIME. She calls her medications CHEMO—like she has cancer or something. She was always telling us how ill she was, or how she couldn’t do this or that because of her illnesses.
My parents would baby-sit ALL THE TIME because she was just too miserable to take care of her son.
She had some kinda surgery on her nose once and I went to the big O to help her out with my nephew (I wasn’t working at the time) for that week. He was about 18 months old. She said and did things to that child that made my parents look like the most perfect parents ever. I wanted to take my nephew and run.
She screamed at him ALL THE TIME. The baby was only 18 months old! She’d get mad at him and slam him into his bed and tell him he’d better not move. She smacked him or spanked him at every opportunity. EVERY OPPORTUNITY for an 18 month old. She parked him in front of a tv in his room all the time. I offered to take him and go stay at my parents so she could recover, but she said she would miss him too much.
I don’t spank other people’s children. I only even spanked my own son a few times and after those I had my hubby do it after that because I just couldn’t deal with it. And even then we both decided nothing was worth hitting him for. We used time outs, grounding, loss of certain privileges and some things he just had to flat out earn with good behavior.
I’ve been a babysitter for prolly a full 10 of my 46 years and I’ve only spanked someone else’s child once…and it was only one spank, but I can’t forget it. She was like 8 years old. I hope it’s not the only thing she remembers about me.
Oops…got off track there.
The thing was when she hit him—she hit him hard…with her whole body. You could see it in her face and body that she wanted my nephew to hurt. I’d make him sit in a chair (time out) for a minute or two when he was being naughty, you know—like an 18 month old is really even being naughty! And he hated having to sit in a chair (my son did, too). She’d come flying in there to lay into him because he was crying for having to be in the chair and then she tell me not to bother with time outs, just to spank him.
I don’t hit babies.
She was one of those constant hand smackers, too.
So I stopped doing anything like a punishment with him because she would only overhear and make it worse for him. And then after a couple of days my brother tells me I need to spank his son, too. I tell him I don’t do that. And then he reminds me that I did spank my kid (like I needed any reminding) and I tell him yes, but I learned with my son that spanking is useless and only made me feel like crap; but still he tells me it’s okay to spank his child.
So I leave. I go over to my parents and tell them EVERYTHING. They act like I’m over reacting about how she treated their grandchild—because she is such a doting mother when around them, but they said it was okay for me not to spank him, they didn’t spank him either.
He was just a baby…
And I’m thinking if this is what she does when I’m around—what does she do to him when they’re alone???
And a few years later my nephew is five years old (they manage to potty train him just the summer before he starts kindergarten) and hubby and I have come to the big O to visit our parents. I’m sitting at my parent’s kitchen table and my Dad tells me about how he doesn’t go in the house any more when he goes to pick up my nephew to baby-sit.
So I ask him if the house has gotten that bad (they put black plastic over all the windows FOR PRIVACY and only kept small lamps on in the rooms). It was like going into a cave.
And then he tells me no, that he’d gone to pick up my nephew and as he is walking up the sidewalk to the front steps he can hear her screaming at my nephew and then hear him getting hit. He says when she opened the door she was all smiles and reminding her son to bring his whatever, etc. So once they’re in the car my Dad tells his grandson that from now on he’s needs to be waiting on the porch.
Seriously.
So I reminded him that I tried to tell them something was not right with her years ago, but he just shrugs it off. Instead he tells me now how it makes so much sense to him that his grandson never wants to go home when she comes to get him.
And that’s it. Nobody thinks anyone needs to be called. My parents think my nephew will be safe—that she would never really hurt him because my brother would know. And we shouldn’t cause any trouble for my brother…
Crap. She was gonna make a mess of this kid, but we shouldn’t make any trouble for my brother. My dad would just do his best to have his grandson over as often as possible.
And a year later my brother gets served with divorce papers.
He pays his child support on time and even early if she asks. He takes his child even if he has to work and my dad keeps him. And my dad is picking my nephew up from school nearly every day (because she’s just so ill—and pregnant!) Oh, yeah she and her live in are having their love child together.
My brother caught on quick about giving her extra money when she’d call and say his son wanted or needed this. He’d just go out and buy whatever and then take it over and not give her the receipt (he’s keeping those). These requests really slowed down when he remained adamant about not giving the money to her instead.
My Dad and brother are keeping track of how often my nephew is over, how long he stays, if he stays over, what kinda mood he’s in when he comes and goes, and writing down anything he says about living with his mom.
My Dad and brother are being very smart not to bring up his mother or his other house with my nephew. They only take note of things he says on his own and bite their tongues not to comment back to him. They refuse to put him in the middle of this.
But they know she does.
There are too many instances to write about here in this already very long post, but now I’m getting to the part about what finally prompted me to write anything about this situation at all…
She got arrested and her lover CALLED MY DAD TO GET THE MONEY TO BAIL HER OUT OF JAIL!
And my Dad did—even though my LB asked him not to. My Dad says if he didn’t go to the jail and bail her out (no, he did not give the money to her lover!) then she would tell his grandson that it was his grandfather’s fault his mother was in jail. AND SHE WOULD, TOO!
But I would have let her rot. It would have been the perfect opportunity for my brother to maybe get full custody of my nephew. I would not have been so generous.
She blames everything on my brother and his family. She even blames my brother for the divorce claiming she just wanted to have another baby, but since he had the vasectomy… It was her decision that my brother have the vasectomy instead of her having a tubal BECAUSE HER BODY WAS JUST TOO RAVAGED WITH ILLNESS TO have a tubal. Yep, see insurance wouldn’t pay for a hysterectomy, but it would pay for a tubal. She didn’t want a tubal, she wanted her uterus taken out.
She tells my brother she just went to a lover to have another child. And he reminds her that she wanted him to get a vasectomy and that they are reversible. She even asked him months before her second child was born if she left her lover could she come back home.
Ah, no.
She tells him he never loved her, if he had he would have fought for them to stay married, he would have asked her to come back. And he tells her he never asked her to leave!
I gotta tell you that I knew this marriage would never work out. For one thing my LB asked every girl he slept with to marry him. This was his second actual marriage, but he’s been engaged more times than I can count. He left his first wife because he didn’t love her anymore—and flat out told me that he got more sex when they were just dating. And he tells me that he did think his second wife might be up to something because he wasn’t getting any with her anymore either.
Yep, my little brother. Can you believe it? We are from the same parents! I know because whenever my Dad tells a remembrance story about my Mom—it’s about sex! And/or her physical appearance.
O…M…G!
The other reason I didn’t think the marriage wouldn’t last was because she was still married to her first husband when they got involved. She moved in with him while she was still married to someone else. She told me this a few months after they were married! I knew then they could be headed for trouble, but you know—it wasn’t any of my business. They were adults!
So this morning I call my Dad to wish him a belated birthday greeting (all day I kept reminding myself to call him and then I just plain forgot) and he tells me of this latest peril. Turns out my nephew’s mother wrote some bad checks and now she was in jail.
Because my nephew was visiting my Dad at the time he knew that if he didn’t get her out of jail she would drill it in to his grandson that it was his grandfather’s fault his mommy was in jail—and of course not the reason that got her there in the first place.
So my Dad went down to the jail and bailed her out. He didn’t give the money to her lover—he did it himself. And he did the whole thing is such a way that my nephew will never even know his mother was in jail—unless she tells him.
And she will, too!
Here’s just one more thing. When my mom was dying in all those different hospitals last year I only visited her a few times—because I didn’t want to and everybody knew that was my reason for not visiting. I just flat out told them.
My x-n-law calls me after Thanksgiving to tell me that she’s only visited her mother-n-law once in the hospital. And that she’d go more often but with her conditions she has to be careful of what she exposes herself to. She’s crying and everything. It was just so pitiable.
Now remember, I didn’t know she was doing whatever, so I’m consoling her and telling her of course my mother understands. Blah. Blah! BLAH!
That’s how my x-n-law was all the time. Poor little her. She’s so frail and sickly. Her conditions were all she talked about. She clung to them and wanted you to cling to her because of them.
And no, she never looked sick. We just went along with her and would steer any conversations with her away from all the crap she would bring up. We were just sick of it all.
So I’m at the hospital with my family, visiting my dying mother, and in comes my LB, x-n-law, and my nephew. And you will never guess. Oh, hell yes you will.
We kept having to change the subject over and Over and OVER again. And every time she’d try and steer it back to herself and her conditions. What an ATTENTION WHORE!
I worry about my nephew.
I want him out of her house.
She even asked my brother if it would be alright if her live in lover disciplined his son.
He told her NO.
She called him at work once screaming at him to come to her house and whip her son BECAUSE HER SON WOULDN’T WALK OVER TO HER AND LET HIM WHIP HER! She was just too weak and frail after having her second child and her lover was actually working and couldn’t help her.
No one came to help her after the baby was born. Her family has disowned her for leaving a good husband.
My brother was too good of husband. Remember he works at least 50 hours a week, but he also did all the housework and the laundry and , And AND! Because she was so frail and sickly all the time.
Unless something came up that she wanted to do!
He was totally whupped with her. And it is sad. Because all my LB ever wanted was a family.
What a load of crap she is.
P.S. If you read all of this then you are AWESOME. Thanks for letting me vent!
My dear Miss B. turned 90 on Thursday. Her nephew threw her a great party at the 
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