Crap! I’m having a period!
Dammit all to hell!
I think I was at eight months this time. So very VERY close to MENOPAUSE!
Yes, I want it over with that badly.
I am just so sick and tired of the mess and expense.
I began mine at thirteen. It was the worst day ever.
I’ve been fortunate on the one hand, mine have never been horribly uncomfortable. I never really had any discomfort until after I had my son. Even after that it was only some mild cramping and low back ache. Sometimes my thighs would ache to a degree of distraction. Which was okay, because my darling husband would step up and give me a nice leg massage. Ummmm…
For a time in my mid-twenties to thirties I did have some raging PMS, but learned to avoid salt like the plague. Which does wonders, you would be amazed.
Our body can get most of the salt it needs on a daily basis from a glass of milk. Not that daily recommended allowance baloney — what the body actually needs. I rarely add salt to anything. We’ve purchased maybe 4 bins of mortons in all our twenty-six years of wedded bliss.
I also check labels for sodium content.
I didn’t even see this one coming. I had some tenderness in my left boob earlier this week, but I just thought I’d slept on it funny or something. Crap.
Now I have to start all over.
… not a migraine, thank God! Just a headache. I’m pretty sure it’s a tension thing. That whole band of pain around the head and all.
Of course my psyche remains damaged as ever. That would be the bomb in my head.
I went to bed at 11 again, woke up at 1:30 — to let the Sophie cat out. Which was odd. She usually doesn’t wake me until between 4 and 5 am for that trek. I was able to go back to sleep.
Minnie sleeps with us, as did Emma, but it’s different because she is so small.
So very small. Just a few pounds over Sophie. Hardly a real dog at all.
Heh. ‘Till the mail comes…
I’ve been up since 3:30 ish. I went to bed at 11pm.
WTF?
My head has a bomb in it.
I almost went in to the office at 4 am.
I need a remote office at times like this.
I could totally put in my 7.5 hours a day, just not sequentially.
I’m thinking this is not just about Emma. Anymore.
I can’t see worth a damn.
My hair keeps crawling.

What? You thought I was kidding?

It really is a great hair cut. I took these today, but I got the hair cut on Thursday. This is two days later and I’ve not washed, styled it, or anything. Hell, look how crooked that part is! This is after sleeping on it for two nights. It’s a bit flat, but still very presentable.
Wow. I just realized I have FABULOUS BED HAIR. Awesome, heh? And did you notice how much thinner my face AND NECK are getting! Even with the wonky angle I had for this photo!
Tomorrow E will be coming over for morning coffee and we got these to surprise her. I know she will totally get them and then we’ll order a set for her … or give her ours in case she can’t wait …

I also ordered this a couple of weeks ago.
It’s very handy at work when I have to leave the office, but I’m still drinking my coffee… Already a workmate is getting herself one. Be sure to shop around for these — prices vary all over the internet. I got the best deal I could find, but maybe you can do better (and buy me another one!).
For drinking and carrying my water I usually just keep refilling the same old AquaFina bottle and replacing it as it would get too grody for cleaning any longer — or I just effing lost/left the damn bottle somewhere. But I’m reading how these plastic bottles shouldn’t be reused or to drink from them at all if they’ve been in the heat — guess where I’d leave mine A LOT: The car. Crap.
I didn’t feel guilty about buying the occasional bottle because I would use them forever, you know. I had no landfill guilt because I’d throw them in the recycling bin whenever I could. Then I broke down and ordered one of these. The one on the right …
I’ve been hemmin’ and hawin’ over this decision for some time. And then a week after I get it a workmate gives me one she got at a conference for free (the one on the left)! But it’s all good. Hubby decided he would utilize the freebie instead of us buying him one like mine. I chose mine specifically because it holds 32 ounces. And the top is attached by that cordage. Neither are insulated, but hey, I’ll drink warm water when I’m parched. It’s still water.
Hell, even Emma could tell you that!
And now for the coolest news of all: At Classmates. com I came across the profile of a guy I went to high school with. Someone I’d not seen or heard of in nearly thirty years. And she is still in better physical shape than me! How awesome it that!
… with a migraine from the depths of hell and everything was crap again.
OMG!
It started Tuesday afternoon at work. Initially I thought it was just going to be a regular headache and then BOOM!
It’s still dissipating, but I feel so much better than each day before.

I hate them. I hate the way they move around my head like a legion of small pests brain freezing, twisting, and squeezing in my poor head. I hate the way they come and go and how just when you think the ordeal is over they are back with a vengeance.
I take OTC and prescribed meds, but I think they just help me to get some sleep during the episode. The entire assault is very exhausting. I am completely wrung out in the end.
I also counter with moving an ice bag all about my head. For some crazy reason this helps until the pain moves or the ice melts. Sometimes it just helps to lay it across the back of my neck which is weird because the pain is on my head not my neck.
If I could find an ice bag disguised as a hat I could prolly manage to function in the public with out anyone really noticing the ice bag on my head. The whole ace bandage thing is just too comical to wear out in public.
I really wish I knew what brought them back. I’d gone with out them for some time until last fall. WTF happened?
What is different?
Can a person cut off their own head?
Thursday we come home to discover our water had been shut off. Ouch.
I went to our checking account online and found the reason right away. Our bank draft didn’t go through. I immediately went to the water company’s online site to pay our bill and then shot them a note of apology and to please turn our water on as we needed to take showers and stuff.
Friday morning we used a slew of baby wipes to clean our bodies before going to work. We were able to have our morning coffee and such because we shamelessly have water delivered to us from Highbridge. I know paying for bottled water is considered highway robbery to some (like my father) but this water is so much better than what comes outta the taps in Lexington — even after I Brita it.
I drink a lot of water. I’m not a soda or iced tea drinker. I like my coffee and tea and do use the Brita water for these, but I am primarily a water drinker. And I prefer the taste of Highbridge over those two. So I pay for my delicious water in the same vein of reason as those who buy soda, charbucks, beer, or whatever.
We’ve been making our son’s car payment for the last three or four months and this has been killing us (but not so much that I should give up the Highbridge). It’s nearly five hundred a month that we don’t have. I don’t know where we’ve been finding it until stuff like coming home to no water happens. We have been doing without a lot these past few months along with "robbing Peter to pay Paul," but hey — he’s our son. And we want to help him out. And it’s only for a little while.
That’s what we keep telling ourselves. No matter that we’ve had to semi re-fi the house, switch to generic foods, and other horrendous life altering money saving ways in order to accommodate these temporary situations. We’re gonna do it because he is our son. Charity begins in the home, pholks. It really does.
My dad doesn’t feel this way. He’ll tell you, "you don’t owe your kids anything." And by that he means beyond food, clothing, and shelter. And even then it really only counts as long as the kid is unable to provide for these on its own. The kid doesn’t have to be 18 for some of these to be dropped if the kid is old enough to, you know, GET A JOB. Especially if that kid is your only daughter.
Now if that kid is your middle-aged son and he is now using a third car (from your collection of six) because he drove the other two into the ground — well that is not even the same thing as helping your kid out. I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure my dad (and late mother) somehow rationalized this behavior in their little selfish parenting minds.
My parents were not nurturing at all. If there were such a thing a pro-de-nurturing my parents had it hands down over anyone else. And even their basic provisions came with life scarring conditions, but that’s a blog post no one would have time to read (or would I have time to write).
But even so, I will go on to the let you know that not all parents want their kids to have it better in life than they did. OH, HELL, NO! There are parents who are more like "how dare you," when it comes to being happy or doing well.
I am not one of those (my) parents.
So we’ll continue to struggle at helping our son out another month or two. Our darling son really needs our help financially, mentally, and emotionally right now. And we can do that. Yes, we can. And it makes us feel damn proud to do it, too!
And on another note…
A person could do this to infinity…

Yells my hubby at his video game. I don’t know how he comes up with these phrases.
I’m preparing for another night in the recliner. He gives up his chair with some grumbling, but he does give it up.
Tomorrow I will attempt a light workout at the gym. I won’t be getting on my bicycle any time soon, but I will try a work out. There is usually one trainer there when I’m there. I’m going to approach her with a request for assistance.
Right now I’m just so tired. Sleeping in the chair may be helping my back, but it’s not so very restful …
I’ve really done myself in this time. Ouch. I’m still having to sleep in hubby’s recliner. I tried sleeping in bed for just 20 minutes this am and I am now paying dearly. It’s time to get a new mattress, but financially we’re gonna have to get a bigger board to put under the mattress instead.
This is more than just a mattress issue.
Dammit.
I’m angry and hurt and sad, but I AM NOT GIVING UP.
My fight has just gotten more difficult — physically. I may have to start all over, but I can do that. I can.
At first I wanted to scream and be angry because it’s not like I’m not trying, but then I have to realize that maybe I’m not trying hard enough. I was the one who chose to go into work early instead of staying later. I now know that I should never give anything more importance that my health. I don’t just know it — I BELIEVE IT. Because now I am so miserable it’s very hard to work. And that is just all wrong.
If I can’t take care of myself how can I take care of anything else?
I will use the pain as an incentive. So help me, I will!